When we tell our families in therapy that "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it," we're emphasizing three key points about addiction and substance abuse:
"You didn't cause it" refers to the fact that addiction and substance abuse is not caused by something that a loved one did or didn't do. It is a complex disease that can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as genetics, environment, and mental health. Blaming oneself or others for the addiction is not productive and can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.
"You can't control it" means that once addiction or substance abuse takes hold, it can be difficult for your person, let alone you, to stop their behavior. Addiction changes the way the brain functions, making it hard to stop using a substance even when the person wants to. Only the person using can make the decision to stop or get professional help and resources to overcome the addiction. Not you.
"You can't cure it" means that addiction and substance abuse is not something that can be cured overnight or by a simple solution. It is a chronic disease or set of behaviours that require ongoing support and management. Recovery can be a lifelong process that requires effort, patience, and determination.
It's important to understand that these statements are not meant to discourage or blame, but rather to acknowledge the complexity of addiction and abuse and to emphasize the importance of seeking professional help and support in the recovery process. We can help you to know what are appropriate actions for you to take, survive your loved ones journey and be your person to learn on. We understand from very personal perspectives what your family may be going through. We are happy to just have a chat on the phone to give you a bit of guidance - let us help.
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